


The Game of Life and Death

by Sessaware



Series: Muse Plays [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Umi doesn't want to get married, as usual things are a mess, at all, strictly a humor fic I promise, when will I write them playing a game and everything goes right and nobody fights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:59:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8568721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sessaware/pseuds/Sessaware
Summary: The wheel spins. Men fall. Murder. Mayhem. Families torn apart. Maki wishes they would just find somewhere else to do this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while! This has been sitting half done in my files for months! Haha! whoops.

Maki grumbles as eight girls huddle at the table in her room, nonetheless setting a tray of drinks down on the floor while a game board is assembled.

"When we said we should all have another sleep over I thought we'd agreed to do it at Nozomi's apartment." She says.

Nico chuckles, helping Kotori sort the various cards, "You believed that?"

"I thought you knew that was a joke, Maki! I mean, when it comes to staying anywhere, it's always been somewhere of yours!" Nozomi sips the iced tea she grabbed from the tray while Eli clicks the wheel in place on the board.

Umi claps everyone to attention, "Alright, the game is set up, I'll go over the rules of conduct and get the cont-"

Honoka puts her hand on Umi's shoulder and guffaws, "Umi, lovely Umi. This isn't a video game, it's a board game, so the rules are completely different!"

"They are?" 

"Yup! But don't worry! I'll go over the rules this time, so relax and take a seat!"

Reluctantly, Umi sits down, side eyeing Honoka but letting her take the floor none the less. Honoka grins and faces the girls.

"The rules of conduct are the exact same as last time-"

"THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME TO SIT DOWN?"

"EXCEPT, Umi, for one thing! Cheating in board games is totally allowed! That's the whole point of board games!" She cheers.

"HONOKA, WHAT-"

"Yay, nya! Just what I wanted!"

"NO, RIN, NO CHEATING! HONOKA, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!"

Honoka pouts at Umi, "Fine! But we can at least bend the rules a bit!"

"Bend the rules?" Hanayo wonders, "What do you mean?"

Nozomi clicks her tongue and smiles gently at her, "Hanayo? Life will play out as fate decides, so let's get started.

No one, let alone Hanayo, feels comfortable in disagreeing with Nozomi when she takes that tone, a buzzing mischief under a reserved smile.

So they each choose a car and begin the Game of Life.

\---

Umi's sweating bullets. 

After graduating college and getting her start at teaching, she thought things would be stable. However she'd forgotten about one space. A space she couldn't avoid. A space marked by a plastic church and a big red stop sign.

Marriage.

"I CAN'T DO THIS." She yells.

She's the first person to make it to this spot after some big rolls. Nozomi is a few spaces behind and Honoka is close after and everyone at the table appears to be getting a kick out of this especially as Kotori subtly tries to place a small blue peg in her car.

White dresses flash in her mind, a figure she makes breakfast for, and hit with a Love arrow.

With a screech she takes the peg right out of Kotori's hand and pitches it across the room with all her strength. It lands in the fire place that Maki of course has in her room and they all watch in horror as the plastic melts and twists into the burning wood.

Umi looks up in a cold glare.

"I'm not getting married."

No one objects.

\---

Nozomi hums the wedding march all the way to the marriage space on her turn. When she gets there she discards her car and put her peg into Eli's car in the same second Nico slams her hands on the table.

"NOZOMI THAT'S CHEATING!"

"DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY! I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ELICCHI!" She counters.

"I DON'T WANT A MOTHER LIKE YOU!"

"DON'T MAKE ME ARREST YOU!" Nozomi holds her career card up like a police badge but Nico shoves it away.

"THAT'S AN ABUSE OF AUTHORITY! YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!"

Eli places a sympathetic hand on Nico's shoulder, "Don't worry, I'm not taking your mom from you. I'll make sure the three of us make a happy family."

"NOT YOU, TOO! AND WHAT'S ELI GONNA DO AT THE MARRIAGE SPACE? GO ON A HONEYMOON?"

"We'll bring you back a souvenir!" Nozomi cuddles next to Eli.

Nico bites back a frustrated sound and looks at the other girls, "NONE OF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS?"

She sees most of them glance to Umi and then to the fire place where the charred flecks of plastic remain molded to the blackened wood.

"Congratulations on your marriage."

"Yes, congratulations."

"You're a beautiful couple." 

"Be happy, nya."

"The ceremony was lovely."

"Forget it!" Nico huffs.

\---

When Honoka draws a career card she smiles so big that everyone's sure she must've hit the jackpot. When she turns to show them, however, they can't hide their confusion.

"May I interest you girls in some top of the line oranges?! Guaranteed to help you get that vitamin C whenever you need! Now, don't be shy, I work off commission!" She holds the wooden bowl of fruit to each of them.

"You're not gonna be doing sales pitches the whole game just because you pulled the salesperson card are you?" Maki groans while Hanayo delightedly takes an orange.

"A savvy seller is always on her toes, Miss Nishikino! Now how about an orange?" 

"How about no." She pushes the bowl away from her and Honoka pouts.

"So mean, Maki! Fine, but I'll get you back for this!"

"Yeah, yeah, well It's Nico's turn and she's gonna need the career cards next so wrap it up." Maki says.

She shuffles the cards and holds them face down to Nico who's whispering fervently under her breath.

"Entertainer, entertainer, entertainer, entertainer, ENTERTAINER!!" She pulls the card third from the left and looks at it and luckily Rin pins her down before she can rip it in two.

"LET ME UP! I REFUSE TO BE A MECHANIC! I'M A STAR! I DESERVE TO BE ON STAGE!"

"Well, Nico! We don't always get what we want!" Maki holds up her doctor career card bitterly, the irony not lost on anyone, "And SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT. EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T WANT TO BE A DOCTOR IN EVERY FACET OF LIFE. BECAUSE I DON'T GET ENOUGH OF MEDICAL SCHOOL IN THE REAL WORLD APPARENTLY."

Hanayo leans over to Rin and whispers to her over the yelling, "Remind me to pick up some chamomile for Maki and Nico tomorrow."

\---

On her next turn, Honoka gets down on one knee in front of Kotori. Her orange car is stopped at the plastic cathedral.

"Kotori. We've been through so much together. We've grown up together. But we're not kids anymore. I may be just a humble saleswoman trying to make it big in the entrepreneurial industry, but with you next to me I feel like we could do anything. Please, Kotori! Won't you... JOIN MY CAR AS MY WIFE?" She holds up a broken pretzel piece to the other girl.

She watches Kotori's eyes widen and a grin split her pink flushed face, "I will!"

Kotori uses one of her hands to place her peg into Honoka's car as Honoka herself puts the pretzel piece on her left hand's finger.

Nico almost protests but one look from Umi is enough to make her look the other way while the others applaud the beautiful ceremony.

Maki spins the wheel with a scowl, hers the last car to cross the marriage mark, and looks jealously at Hanayo and Rin's shared mini van but rolls her eyes at Nico's pink faceless wife. ("she's my high school sweet heart. We bonded over a mutual love of the cute and wonderful idol Nico-nii. She's almost as talented as I am!")

When she gets to the stop sign she fishes for a peg without looking and tries to put her new husband in her car. What Maki doesn't account for is fumbling it and they all watch as the blue figure falls in front of the car. Before anyone else can react, Nico's hand shoots out and nudges the car.

The room is a cacophony of screams.

"YOU KILLED HIM. YOU RAN OVER MY HUSBAND."

"I believe that's YOUR peg behind the wheel, Maki!" Nico snickers, "If anyone ran him over, its you!"

"Ugh! You're unbelievable!" Maki moves to pull the peg from under her car but Eli's hand reaches out and stops her.

"Wh-"

"Shhh." The older girl hushes and nods to her left.

Nozomi has taken out her prayer beads and is conducting a reading of sutras to send the plastic soul off in peace. Honoka, Kotori, and Rin are paying their respects. Hanayo looks like she's holding back tears.

"He had his whole life ahead of him." She whispers to Rin.

Rin pats her back, "An entire game's worth."

Maki stares on in disbelief until she feels a hand on her shoulder. 

Umi looks her in the eye, "I know what you're going through. But it's better this way."

\---

The first time it happens, Umi's actually pretty thrilled! The role is an honorable one and she plans to do it justice. The second time is also fine! Two is a reasonable amount! Three times is when she supposed would be her cut off. No more after this, she was a single provider after all.

Umi leans her head in her hands, not looking as Maki, the doctor, squeezes a sixth baby peg into her car, right between the twins she had two turns ago. 

Honoka, looking between Kotori and her own van with two baby girls and Umi's van bursting with children, leans over and whispers that she'd like to withdraw her offer of babysitting from when Umi had her third child. When she sees Umi's eyes flick toward the fire place, Honoka manages to squeak out a "Just kidding"!

Umi sighs, looks at the board, and raises her head, "I've gotta go to night school."

"You sure? You're pay space isn't too far away." Rin cautions.

Her hands slam on the table, "THE COST OF LIVING THESE DAYS IS TOO HIGH! I CAN'T PROVIDE FOR MY CHILDREN ON A TEACHER'S SALARY!"

Nico jolts in her chair when Umi locks onto her, "NICO, I'M APPOINTING YOU HEAD OF THE PTA UNTIL I GRADUATE. I'M COUNTING ON YOU FOR THAT BAKE SALE."

"YES, MA'AM."

Umi breathes deep and looks fondly at her overstuffed mini van, "Mom's gonna work hard from now on, so don't worry."

\---

Nozomi's quiet laughter and shuffling purse is the backdrop as Hanayo reads the space she's landed her and Rin's car on.

"Win a TV game show, collect 95k!" Hanayo spins to face Rin excitedly, "Rin! We can buy you the animal sanctuary you've always wanted!"

"Yay!"

"That's a great idea! However," Nozomi chuckles, laying down a deck of cards, "You still have to win in order to get the money!"

It's then that they all realize the cards Nozomi has pulled out aren't her usual tarot cards.

"Trivial Pursuit?" Nico reads, "Really, Nozomi?"

"The cards told me this would be a possibility so I wanted to be prepared!"

But another giggle brings Hanayo back into the center of attention as she slips on her glasses and grins, "If it's like this, then no problem! I'm getting Rin that animal sanctuary!"

"Kayo-chin! My hero!" Rin fawns.

"If you're so confident then... In the 1993 release, this movie displayed a use of both CG and pupp-"

"JURASSIC PARK!"

Nozomi drops the cards in surprise at the outburst and Nico cackles.

"That's what you get for underestimating my disciple."

\---

Honoka had been searching, waiting, patiently for an opening. It came in the form of one fortuitous spin that drove her car onto a glorious opportunity.

"KOTORI!" Honoka whips around and high fives her game-wife and attorney, "HELP ME SUE MAKI."

"WHAT." Maki balks.

"Okay!" Kotori replies.

"YES!"

"NO! WHY? WHY ARE YOU SUING ME?"

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU I'D GET YOU BACK FOR EARLIER!"

"Miss Nishikino," Kotori speaks professionally all of a sudden, "My client and I will be pressing a suit on the grounds of earlier slander and defamation of character. You may choose to fight this, but I urge you to settle with what I believe to be reasonable compensation for the pain you have cause my client."

Kotori slides a piece of paper over to her and Maki hesitatingly unfolds it, "50 GRAND ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"I assure you, Miss Nishikino, I am not. I'll take this opportunity to remind you that the fees for court and lawyers on civil allegations can run up far more than this. I wouldn't count to win, either, we have a very strong case against you."

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS! HONOKA!" 

Honoka is far too busy trying not to let her cheeks spasm under the strength of her smug grinning to listen to Maki's pleas. 

Maki grumbles and seethes the entire time, but pays Honoka her due. The real winner, everyone already knows, is Kotori.

\---

"I," Nozomi begins dramatically, "Am retiring from the force."

"Hm?" Eli leans to see the space Nozomi has landed them on, "Mid life crisis? You have to pick a new career?"

"That's right, Elichi. It's time to hang up my gun and turn in my badge. The streets are no longer in need of my services."

Umi lays out some cards in front of her, "Here's the options you have left from the career path cards. Thank you very much for your years of service."

"The smiles of the community have been my reward. Now it's time for a career where I can focus on my family." Nozomi looks fondly at her car, her wife, and Nico.

"Don't look at me."

Nozomi takes a breath and pulls a card. 

"Ooh! I'm an actress now!"

Nico flips the board.

"NO MOTHER OF MINE-"

"YOU DON'T SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!"

"MY DREAMS! MY ASPIRATIONS!"

"MAMA'S SORRY, NICO! BUT THE STAGE CALLED HER!"

"DISINHERIT ME! I REFUSE TO BE PART OF THIS FAMILY!"

Just under the yelling of the eldest three, everyone huddles together.

"I guess the game's over." Hanayo says.

"At least we got our animal sanctuary! You were so cool during the game show, Kayo-chin!"

"See, Honoka! This is why you should've let me state the rules and bring out the contract like we were supposed to! What a mess!" Umi scolds but Honoka laughs.

"But this is exactly what board games are about! People don't actually finish them!"

"Honoka...."

Kotori begins picking up the pegs and pieces, humming a tune that gets nearly lost in the yelling of three girls getting far too into character for the sake of a board game. As usual, today had been fun, and she almost can't wait for the next time they could play something together.

Maybe Eli would let them play Twister again if she offered to bring along a first aid kit this time.


End file.
